The Beliefs

What do we stand to when there is nothing left? What -ism are we? Is their a label that can truly encompass us or do we take our favorites and make our own new genre, sub-culture or label? Are the labels even necessary?

I'm not anything in particular when it comes to subculture. I love it, though. I love the work that goes into being goth and courage it takes to walk out merely to be looked at and regarded as strange. I love the Lolita girls in their layers of lace, petticoats and stockings. I even love the scenesters in their matching of the moment shirts (I believe grunge-esque plaid is the thing in now). I hate the smell of Patchouli oil but don't let that fool you, I like a lot of hippie ideals and looks. But I cannot commit to a sub culture.

Sure I own a pair of chucks, more then a few corsets, a alpaca purse made by hand in Panama and I've been to Harajuku but I do not identify with any subculture enough to say "This is it! That is me". I like to borrow from each one. Their style, their music and their beliefs even. I'd like to be a walking mosaic.

I am very liberal in many aspects. I often wonder if people think I am conservative though because I don't drink, smoke or do any drugs (and I never have). Perhaps this notion is soon wiped out when they find I don't look down on those who do drink or who do smoke.

One of my -isms that I feel most strongly about is pacifism. This is a particularly hard one as it constantly seems there is war going on and I feel very helpless to it. I also have a temper which rarely reflects itself with physical violence (unless it's me and my sister having a cat fight) but can be very passionate and raging. I think when people hear the term Pacifist, perhaps they picture some one who is passive, who is calm and rational or even picture the stereotypical hippie. I can't say I fit any of those descriptions. I am emotional, aggressive, extroverted and have my irrational moments where my feelings guide me more then my thoughts. But I feel that we as a society have progressed past the point where global bullying, loss of life, casualties and "friendly fire" are not acceptable any longer.

I have felt personally injured when accused of not supporting the troops. Perhaps my support is unconventional. I support them at a very humane and basic level. As individual people, I want each and everyone to come home alive. The idea that because I don't support war, violence or glorified murder doesn't infer that I have no respect for those who have voluntarily put their lives on the line. But I cannot support the cause. I cannot support any one dying so that one man, one country may gain the upper hand.

I also wonder to what limits my pacifism may be tested. There are those who will not even defend themselves if attacked. I cannot see myself standing idle while my body is inflicted with any kind of harm by another. I would feel inclined to defend myself. But would I also want to harm them in retaliation? Could I possess myself enough to only defend myself and prevent further harm or would my emotions guide me to a vindictive reaction? How strong is my resolve in my beliefs to guide my emotions to a more compassionate state? Ideally, I'd like to believe that I am strong enough to stand true to my beliefs and I hope that I am never in a situation that proves me wrong. But I like to consider the possibility of a crack in my resolve to ensure I am aware of the flaws in my beliefs and can possibly repair them.

I suppose, after all this ranting, I wonder what beliefs guide everyone and to what extent will they stand up for those beliefs?