Do we wake up suddenly and realize our family is crazy and dysfunctional? Or, do they grow more dysfunctional with age, like a wine?
Lately it seems things have been getting strange in my family. We're all of the age where we don't live at home, we have separate lives and some of us are even growing little families of our own. Boyfriends, girlsfriends, wives and husbands.
The more I become an adult (I'm 24, to give you some perspective) the more crazy my family seems. I don't want this to be a blog about airing my dirty laundry or complaining but I got some stuff I'm holding back.
My mom is like a rebelious teenager who is much too intelligent to act that way. She has a Master's Degree in textiles and clothing and yes I've literally heard her say the following:
"I like to smoke because it's a big fuck you to the rest of the world"
She's been on a self destructive cycle her whole life. Always dates the loser. Always quits the well paying job. Ignores doctor's advice and instructions. She was kicked out by her dad when she was 15 years old for smoking and I honestly think she doesn't want to give up being that noncomformist. Maybe it's the hippie in her.
Don't get me wrong, there are so many things that revolter attitude has given me. It's helped make me a free thinking individual. I had a relaxed childhood, was never spanked, never had a strict bedtime or curfew. Was grounded once and even that didn't hold. I had no illusions about my mom. I knew when she was young she was homeless, she experiemented with drugs and she had pre-marital sex. My mom was cooler then everyone elses. And in my childhood, our home was safe, the only drug she brought into the house was her own smoking. There was no drinking or any other drugs. There was no abuse. I can't complain.
As I go out into the world and play the game. I work at a desk in an office, I'm upgrading my education so I can enter university. I'm trying to upgrade my health next. I'm not totally functional. I have problems, I'm sure of it. But it's hard to deal with a parent...parents really, who are so hell-bent on destroying themselves.
My dad is actually better then he use to be. He was/is? (not sure currently) an alcoholic and has done some terrible things and had terrible things happen to him. He got in a fight and was stabbed 12 times. He jumped in front of a van (while my oldest brother watched, at the time 26years old). Was diagnosed with diabetes. He's losing his sight in both eyes and his mobility is getting worse and worse. His bad health is slowing his craziness down, but that doesn't stop him from calling drunk once in a while.
Speaking of drunk calling, there's my older brother following in those foot steps. Though my oldest brother hides it fairly well, I wonder about if he is an alcoholic or not. I try to remember the last time I saw him, visited and didn't see a drink in his hand. I go in and out of like with him. His ego his a huge roadblock, as well as his tendency to think he is the busiest most important guy in the room at all times.
My other brother is just aloof and social retarded. An ethical egoist who can excuse his rude and selfish behaviour by looking out for himself and no one else. His favourite way to explain himself is "if this were infront of a judge, they'd be on my side". He can't keep a job for longer then 3 months because there is always someone treating him unfairly. There is always that asshole at work who gets promoted ahead of him. There will always be that time where you worked harder then the rest and didn't get a pat on the back. He hasn't realized this yet. Or maybe he has. I'm glad he's writing and trying to make a living that way. I'd be a lot more supportive if he didn't just leave my mom while she was work owing him months worth of rent. Keep in mind he's in his 30's.
Me and my sister fight but the more I think about, the more I feel were the sane ones in the family.
Then again...maybe everyone thinks they're the sane ones in their family.