My Perceived Life

Sometimes I like to think about how I may be perceived. Not so much as a concern, but more as how my actions, my words and my life looks to an outsider.

Do I care about what others may think? Not really, to be honest. But I like to people watch and speculate about their lives and I assume others may do the same. I know I am probably wrong all of the time. I don't honestly believe I can surmise all that a person is in the few moments it takes for them to walk past me. Mostly it's just fun for me to create these worlds that people may or may not be living.

I don't think I am the only person playing this game. I feel watched (in a not paranoid way haha). I am only curious what kind of worlds people dream up for me. I like that I don't really wear my likes or dislikes visibly. When I dress, it can be very neutral, style wise. I like that my clothes don't necessarily give me away. My shirts don't mention my favourite bands and my shoes don't say I prescribe to any specific type of music. Perhaps if I drove a car, I'd have bumper stickers that let people know what I think, but then again, perhaps not. I like being a bit unknown and having to explore and be explored.

I sometimes wish my thoughts and life style were apparent because I think of all the great people I could be meeting if they only knew we were kindred spirits. But, that's what I love about the internet. My comments, my profiles, my likes and dislikes speak for themselves. Though, I've always disagreed with the idea that people with similar interests are compatible. If that were true, I wouldn't be so annoyed at most of the concerts I go to or the stores I shop in.

I remember the first day I saw Ryan, who is now one of my best friends. I was waiting for the shift to start at work when I worked as an agent in a market research call centre. My sister, who was a supervisor, and I were hanging out in the break room and this dude walks by. Instantly, I wanted to be his friend. He didn't say anything but I just looked at him and I thought, "That dude is going to make me laugh." After years of sitting next to the class clown in school (and usually having a crush on them), I had honed the skill of recognizing one outside of their native habitat. This dude had class clown written all over him. I couldn't explain why or how I knew. I asked my sister what his name was and from then on I had a goal to not just get to know him but to become BFFs. Thankfully, we eventually sat near each other and my instincts/lucky guess were verified.

I'm not sure where I am going with this. I'm curious if other people play this game. Do you wonder how you are perceived or do you think that people can tell what kind of person you are instantly or does it take time to crack the shell and get to know you? I'd guess most of us would like to think we're complex mysterious creatures and no one can truly know us.