If you ever read/watched Anne of Green Gables, you might get the reference in my title of this post. I am a big book nerd. I'm not one of those people who are constantly reading though. I sometimes go months without reading and than I start 3-4 books all at the same time. I am reading "The Color Purple", "Titus Andronicus" and "The House of Leaves" right now. I switch books depending on my mood.
You know what else I like to switch? My hair! I've been different shades of brown for over a year now and I figured it was about time to do something a little more interesting. I work in an office (boring) and cannot dye my hair any super cool colours (lame), so I try to dye it crazy enough that I love it but not so crazy that I get fired.
This is the hair colour I started with. Check out the sweet "geek wall" behind me.
I love red hair. I date a red head. I want red headed kids. I can single out a red head in a crowd and whether they are hot or not. So, it's only natural that all this red hair envy manifests itself in me routinely dying my hair red.
It burns us!
I've been bleaching and dying my hair at home since I was in grade 5. First colour I went was electric blue and from than on, I was hooked.
I try not to bleach it too often as I don't want to fry it. I wonder, each time I do it, "is this the time my hair finally just falls out". So far, no.
My hair only ever goes yellow. I'd have to get it professionally done with lots of toner and even than, it'd be an ash dirty blonde. It must be the native in me. Dark eyes and dark hair. Are you ready for the finale?
I love a good change, even if it's a superficial one. This picture doesn't do it justice though. In the light...my hair is orange. Just like carrots :P
A style I've never really aimed to achieve, I find androgyny to be one of the most interesting features in fashion and the media.
Some might think this is a recent trend in fashion but, if you've been watching, you'll know it's been around a lot longer than 2010. Though, it does seem to be coming into the spotlight in 2011, androgyny was huge in the 70's/80's with music artists like Annie Lennox and Boy George being the poster children for it during the 80's. And, of course, we can't forget David Bowie in all his glory during the 70's.
Personally, I've always thought there was something sexy about someone who leaves you guessing. But, than again, I've always dated very macho men (construction workers, poker players, etc haha), so it's possible that androgyny is simply a change of pace from the wide shoulders and 5 o'clock shadows I've grown use too.
Jean Paul Gaultier's use of androgynous models come as no surprise to me, as it seems like the next step in acceptance of different people from all across the spectrum that he seems to extend. In the past he's used plus size models in his show including Velvet d'Amour and punk rock goddess Beth Ditto. It only seemed natural that ended his most recent show with Andrej Prejic, a new but popular male model, in a wedding dress.
Yes, that's a man.
Maybe there's just something fun about playing with people expectations. I think, ultimately, androgynous people lend themselves to artists as a sort of Muse. Here is this person existing between both worlds and, as an artist and creator, you can shift them from one world to the other seamlessly. How amazing is that? Tilda Swinton is a great example of this in movies and film.
As much as I admire it, it's not really a style I've tried to capture for myself. Perhaps it's actually due to my plus size qualities that I try to emphasize my womanly features instead of down playing them. Bringing attention to my hour glass figure instead of hiding it, for example, is a constant battle with clothes. Maybe I just like having boobs far too much.
Some days I feel like an adult. I'll call my bank and transfer money into my Tax Free Savings Account and than I'll talk to my renter's insurance provider to renew for another year. Those are the days where I feel assured I've crossed that invisible line into adulthood. I'm twenty five motherfuckin' years old, bitches! I'm all grown up and this is how it is. I have my own library (like..in my apartment), a salary and a cheque book. Get use to it!
Ladies, books don't work through osmosis.
Than I do something like...forget to pay my cell phone bill which explains why I am currently without cellphone service.
Oh shhhiiiiiiiiiiit...
I also feel like I am on the verge of making some semi-adult decisions. I am looking at what it takes for me to enter university as a "mature" student. Many people who will be entering university will be 18-21 while I will be 25 or older when/if I get around to it. It's odd to think I'll be older than most in my class but that kind of makes it less intimidating. I've got some life experience under my belt as well as job experience. But I've also got a full time job and a nice, big rent cheque to write out monthly. I've gotten use to having money for years now (since I was 16) and am not too excited to put all my vacations and shopping on the shelf for 3-4 years while I go to university full time.
I feel my dietician would not agree with this
Don't get me wrong, I see the potential awesomeness in getting some post secondary up in here and I actually love ramen noodles. But...I also love rib eye steak, so you can see how this is going to be a sacrifice for me.
I have one more class I need to upgrade and then I can apply for university. While I look at my options for upgrading that one class, I'll have to start thinking about what kind of degree. English? Fine Arts? Art and Design? Do you sense a theme with the direction I am going in?
I promise you, whatever degree I end up going for, I will not be going to class in Uggs and sweatpants. Fuck that shit! I may be a student but that doesn't mean I'll have to dress like one.
I wish you'd stop making videos where plus size performers are only shown as bodiless wonders with only bust shots. Perhaps the creative directors/camera person of these videos could zoom out, so we could get more than a few seconds of body shots of artists who are body proud like Adele and Beth Ditto.
This doesn't happen in all videos, but I've noticed a bit of a trend that disappoints me when I go to watch talented artists in videos which, although beautiful and great quality, come off as static or limited.
For example, Adele's "Cold Shoulder":
Or Gossip's "Heavy Cross" (Not really a "static" video but the few times they do show her body it's dark, unfocused and only a glimpse):
These are just a couple examples and I am sure I could find examples of videos of both artists in which more full body shots are present but it still irks me. This heavy (no pun intended) reliance on face shots just makes me think of a phrase every fat girl gets sick of hearing, "You have such a pretty face" which always seemed to imply, to me, that the rest wasn't pretty. Just the face.
Not only is this insulting it's annoying as all hell. Us plus size women have so few fashion icons, that when you're video only focuses on the face, we don't get a chance to admire, critique and enjoy the fashion statements the performer might be making. In some videos, I don't even know if the artist is wearing pants or a skirt, because every shot of the lower body is either blurry or left behind on some cutting room floor.
So, how about you step back and give us the whole picture. I mean, honestly, it's not like you're somehow tricking us, the audience, into thinking these ladies are a more "marketable" size by only showing their faces.
Sincerely,
Shannon
P.S Just so I'm not a hypocrite here is a recent picture of me legs and all!
I'm the one on the left and, obviously, my twin on the right.
"The rules for carry on are so strict these days: no liquids, gels or sharp objects. They have full on body scanners. It truly slows one down and the amount of things one can carry are so limited one may as well not have carry on at all. I feel like the true spirit of flight, which the wright brothers unlocked for all of humanity to enjoy, has been dampened, nay! cheapened, by these rules and restrictions. On a totally unrelated note, we need to buy new hair cutting scissors." -Text I received from Dave today as he transfers flights at Vancouver airport
So classy...in his Flash t-shirt.
Me: I kind of wish Edmonton had got the Expo. It may have put us on the map. Dave: Yeah and not one of those crappy maps that says "Here Be Dragons".
A recent article written by John DeVore has me thinking about something I've gotten use to ignoring: Catcalling.
As a woman living in a central area of a large city, I should probably just shrug my shoulders and accept that catcalling is the price I pay for choosing to live downtown and walk down any main street. But that kind of passive thinking doesn't lead to change. I know I could walk the back streets, the less populated streets, but then I put myself in a more tangible risk of being mugged or assaulted. So, I walk the most well lit, populated and busy streets when I get off work at 10:30pm or later, every weeknight.
The consequences of my choice and schedule are having random people yell inherently aggressive remarks at me. Even if it's a compliment, anything yelled at a random stranger from a moving vehicle is aggressive in my books. But this hasn't just been an issue for me since moving downtown (which I did when I was 18). It first started as an adolescent. Yes, you read that right, an adolescent. I hadn't even broken the "teens" yet when my sister and I were being verbally attacked by random men in random places. I know we were tall for our age (almost 6 foot by grade 7) but that is not an open invitation to be hit on while walking in public.
I recall being 12 and getting honks from cars while walking down Whyte Ave with my sister. Or the time, when I was 14, and walking past a bar with my sister, best friend and her mother, only to have the bouncer accost us with invites into the bar and hit on us. When my friend's mother yelled "they're only 14!", he replied "even better".
Any weekend I walk down a main street past 11pm, I expect that I am going to be sexually harassed. But, all the advice out there to deter it puts the onus on my behavior: Dress down or in baggy clothes, just ignore it, avoid streets with people or bars, don't make eye contact, don't smile, wear headphones, read a book on the bus/train. Well, fuck that! I shouldn't have to shut out the world, dress plain and pretend something isn't happening just so I can live a somewhat peaceful existence.
It's no wonder someone designed a game based on these encounters, in which a main character (a woman) has the tools necessary to shoot the men who harass her. Do I condone this kind of behavior in real life? Of course not. It's just a game, some might say, but it brings attention to a very real problem.
One action that people (women and men) are taking is to use their camera phone to document lewd or unwanted behavior and post it online at websites such as YouTube or Hollaback. The most disturbing trend I found while reading through the entries on Hollaback is that many of these women feel the need to clarify that they weren't wearing anything provocative. I constantly saw the phrase, "I wasn't showing any skin", "My clothes weren't tight or short, just normal jeans and t-shirt" and other phrases basically trying to explain that they weren't "asking for it". It saddens me that they should even have to add that detail into their narratives. I've only been talking about my experiences with catcalling (though there have been past experiences with physical harassment), but Hollaback also documents sexual harassment which has lead to some men being arrested. For example, a woman had a man arrested for rubbing up against her while his genitals were exposed, an all to common occurrence in the crowded New York subway system.
It wasn't until I started thinking about this topic that I started realizing the extent women go to in order to avoid sexual harassment. I read multiple comments about women pretending to sleep on public transit to shut people out, reading books and using MP3 players as a way to signal their disinterest. While reading up on various forms of public sexual harassment and how women avoid certain scenarios, I thought to myself that I didn't limit myself or change my life in anyway to avoid it. I'm a very confrontational person and not one for avoiding a situation because I prefer to face things head on. That's why I was honestly shocked to realize that even I have changed past behaviors to avoid being hit on or harassed in public. I use to sit in the front seat of cabs because I'm tall and prefer all the extra leg room. But, after a while, I started sitting in the back seat because I was tired of my choice to sit in the front seat being some silent agreement to be hit on by the male drivers. Questions about whether I had a boyfriend or asking why am I so dressed up got tiring and I eventually moved to the backseat where I find myself very invested in texting, just to avoid awkward conversation. Some male cab drivers are honestly just making conversation but I ask myself if the others would ask a guy the same questions they ask me, such as "Oh, you're sure dressed up, are you meeting up with your girlfriend?" I kind of doubt it.
This isn't a matter of not being able to take a compliment. It's the audacity some people have that when a women goes out into public, it must mean she wants to be accosted and berated with what may seem like words of adulation but in fact are tiresome, trite and in, some cases, terribly offensive. When someone demonstrates to me that they cannot control their words, it worries me and makes me ponder what else they can't control. Am I going to have to walk a little faster because this person is now following me? Am I going to have to call the police? Am I going to have to find a place to escape from this person? Where is the nearest stores that's open? These are all thoughts I've had while being "complimented" by random strangers. Feeling like someone's prey is a disturbing experience and should not be an acceptable way to treat anyone, regardless of intention, location or gender.
I believe that we are all complex creatures full of contradictions and dualities that compliment and oppose each other. Though, in some cases, this dichotomy can lead to conflict. Conflict within ourselves or conflict with those who support only one side of this combination. One such issue within my own personal conflicts is my belief that all people are equal and my affinity for being sexually submissive. I've often wondered can a woman identify sexually as submissive and still consider herself a feminist, without being a hypocrite?
Of course, this is no simple question to answer and I think everyone has different variables to weigh when deciding where they stand on the issue. Perhaps the best step is to start by explaining how I identify with feminism.
Simply put, I believe women are equal to men and deserve to be treated as such. I believe this because I know all people are equal and deserve to be treated as such. We have the right to the same justices and protections. We have an obligation to defend and secure justice for those who cannot do it themselves.
There are those who identify themselves as feminist (1st wave, 2nd wave, 3rd wave, militant - whatever category they feel they fit in best, if any at all) and believe that a woman who participates in submissive sexual behavior, such as Master/slave or BDSM play, is only crippling the progress of womanhood as a whole. There are also those who believe that BDSM is a male-generated form of sexuality and that by participating, a woman is succumbing to this tradition. This was a major issue during the 60s and 70s and lead to conflict between different sects of feminism or some feminists organizations and the pornography industry.
I resent the idea that women who engage in BDSM are doing so because they are conforming to a male generated fantasy. This line of thinking denies women who enjoy BDSM from any credit for discovering what turns them on. It assumes that in a strictly female society, BDSM would not exist. It also furthers the gender stereotype that only woman play the submissive role in the BDSM community when, in fact, it is extremely varied. Not only do some men prefer being the submissive as opposed to dominant but there are many people who switch between both. Of course, this is assuming both genders are involved. BDSM is prevalent in both gay and lesbian communities. Personally, I know that I did not need a man/society/the media to tell me what aroused me. It was inherent. It felt rooted within me, much like the rest of my sexuality. I did not question it but only awaited the time and place to discover and explore this natural affinity. Assuming that a woman can only learn submission from a man/society/the media robs her of any ownership or responsibility of her own sexuality.
There are those who even discourage women being submissive because of their strong conviction that this has an impact on women's progress as a whole. But, if those who believed that truly wanted equality, wouldn't they be encouraging all people not to partake in BDSM, regardless of gender? Or, do they believe it is okay for a man to play that role? In that case, isn't the man enjoying a privilege that has been denied to women by the very people who were trying to ensure their equality? Where is the fairness in that?
I'd argue that my being a strong female has actually helped me develop a healthy perspective on my sexuality and I've channeled this into my preference for being a submissive. Any woman with a poor self esteem or a dysfunctional view of their sexual worth is going to find being a submissive exhausting and unfulfilled. My worth as a human being is not decided on my worth as a sex object. Sure, I may subject myself to what others may consider horrendous treatment and what others may view as submitting to my partner's will. Considering oneself a feminist and also a submissive does not have to be a dichotomous situation. In fact, the juxtaposition of both these traits can strengthen each other. Not only does my knowledge that I am worthy of any person's attention and respect make me a great submissive, but knowing myself so well and owning my sexuality encourages a feeling of wholeness and completeness in the world outside my bedroom.
Some people do not fully comprehend the active communication that goes on between a Dom and sub, even when no words are spoken. It may seem demeaning to an outsider but there is a huge amount of respect and trust exchanged between those involved in a BDSM relationship. Most might assume that it is only the sub who respects their partner, but it truly starts with the Dom earning the sub's respect and consent. And, in the end, it is the sub who holds all the power. The sub can simply utter one word and everything comes to a halt. It may seem odd to those unfamiliar with this subculture that the common credence is "Safe, Sane and Consensual"
My role in feminism is ensuring that my gender is viewed upon with equal regard and respect. That I earn equal pay for equal work and that I enjoy the same rights and privileges that a man may in the same position. That means enjoying the same rights and privileges in my work, my government, my community and my bedroom. If we deny women the right to explore their sexuality because they feel judged, we deny them the ownership of their bodies. If we can vote, run for office and own land, we should be able to own our orgasm too.
This is the hair colour I started with. Check out the sweet "geek wall" behind me.
