Pan Out, Assholes!

Dear whoever makes music videos happen,

I wish you'd stop making videos where plus size performers are only shown as bodiless wonders with only bust shots. Perhaps the creative directors/camera person of these videos could zoom out, so we could get more than a few seconds of body shots of artists who are body proud like Adele and Beth Ditto.

This doesn't happen in all videos, but I've noticed a bit of a trend that disappoints me when I go to watch talented artists in videos which, although beautiful and great quality, come off as static or limited.

For example, Adele's "Cold Shoulder":



Or Gossip's "Heavy Cross" (Not really a "static" video but the few times they do show her body it's dark, unfocused and only a glimpse):



These are just a couple examples and I am sure I could find examples of videos of both artists in which more full body shots are present but it still irks me. This heavy (no pun intended) reliance on face shots just makes me think of a phrase every fat girl gets sick of hearing, "You have such a pretty face" which always seemed to imply, to me, that the rest wasn't pretty. Just the face.

Not only is this insulting it's annoying as all hell. Us plus size women have so few fashion icons, that when you're video only focuses on the face, we don't get a chance to admire, critique and enjoy the fashion statements the performer might be making. In some videos, I don't even know if the artist is wearing pants or a skirt, because every shot of the lower body is either blurry or left behind on some cutting room floor.

So, how about you step back and give us the whole picture. I mean, honestly, it's not like you're somehow tricking us, the audience, into thinking these ladies are a more "marketable" size by only showing their faces.

Sincerely,

Shannon

P.S Just so I'm not a hypocrite here is a recent picture of me legs and all!

I'm the one on the left and, obviously, my twin on the right.

Dave can be funny....sometimes

"The rules for carry on are so strict these days: no liquids, gels or sharp objects. They have full on body scanners. It truly slows one down and the amount of things one can carry are so limited one may as well not have carry on at all. I feel like the true spirit of flight, which the wright brothers unlocked for all of humanity to enjoy, has been dampened, nay! cheapened, by these rules and restrictions. On a totally unrelated note, we need to buy new hair cutting scissors."
-Text I received from Dave today as he transfers flights at Vancouver airport

So classy...in his Flash t-shirt.

Me: I kind of wish Edmonton had got the Expo. It may have put us on the map.
Dave: Yeah and not one of those crappy maps that says "Here Be Dragons".

I Ain't No Hollaback Girl

A recent article written by John DeVore has me thinking about something I've gotten use to ignoring: Catcalling.

As a woman living in a central area of a large city, I should probably just shrug my shoulders and accept that catcalling is the price I pay for choosing to live downtown and walk down any main street. But that kind of passive thinking doesn't lead to change. I know I could walk the back streets, the less populated streets, but then I put myself in a more tangible risk of being mugged or assaulted. So, I walk the most well lit, populated and busy streets when I get off work at 10:30pm or later, every weeknight.

The consequences of my choice and schedule are having random people yell inherently aggressive remarks at me. Even if it's a compliment, anything yelled at a random stranger from a moving vehicle is aggressive in my books. But this hasn't just been an issue for me since moving downtown (which I did when I was 18). It first started as an adolescent. Yes, you read that right, an adolescent. I hadn't even broken the "teens" yet when my sister and I were being verbally attacked by random men in random places. I know we were tall for our age (almost 6 foot by grade 7) but that is not an open invitation to be hit on while walking in public.




I recall being 12 and getting honks from cars while walking down Whyte Ave with my sister. Or the time, when I was 14, and walking past a bar with my sister, best friend and her mother, only to have the bouncer accost us with invites into the bar and hit on us. When my friend's mother yelled "they're only 14!", he replied "even better".

Any weekend I walk down a main street past 11pm, I expect that I am going to be sexually harassed. But, all the advice out there to deter it puts the onus on my behavior: Dress down or in baggy clothes, just ignore it, avoid streets with people or bars, don't make eye contact, don't smile, wear headphones, read a book on the bus/train. Well, fuck that! I shouldn't have to shut out the world, dress plain and pretend something isn't happening just so I can live a somewhat peaceful existence.

It's no wonder someone designed a game based on these encounters, in which a main character (a woman) has the tools necessary to shoot the men who harass her. Do I condone this kind of behavior in real life? Of course not. It's just a game, some might say, but it brings attention to a very real problem.



One action that people (women and men) are taking is to use their camera phone to document lewd or unwanted behavior and post it online at websites such as YouTube or Hollaback. The most disturbing trend I found while reading through the entries on Hollaback is that many of these women feel the need to clarify that they weren't wearing anything provocative. I constantly saw the phrase, "I wasn't showing any skin", "My clothes weren't tight or short, just normal jeans and t-shirt" and other phrases basically trying to explain that they weren't "asking for it". It saddens me that they should even have to add that detail into their narratives. I've only been talking about my experiences with catcalling (though there have been past experiences with physical harassment), but Hollaback also documents sexual harassment which has lead to some men being arrested. For example, a woman had a man arrested for rubbing up against her while his genitals were exposed, an all to common occurrence in the crowded New York subway system.




It wasn't until I started thinking about this topic that I started realizing the extent women go to in order to avoid sexual harassment. I read multiple comments about women pretending to sleep on public transit to shut people out, reading books and using MP3 players as a way to signal their disinterest. While reading up on various forms of public sexual harassment and how women avoid certain scenarios, I thought to myself that I didn't limit myself or change my life in anyway to avoid it. I'm a very confrontational person and not one for avoiding a situation because I prefer to face things head on. That's why I was honestly shocked to realize that even I have changed past behaviors to avoid being hit on or harassed in public. I use to sit in the front seat of cabs because I'm tall and prefer all the extra leg room. But, after a while, I started sitting in the back seat because I was tired of my choice to sit in the front seat being some silent agreement to be hit on by the male drivers. Questions about whether I had a boyfriend or asking why am I so dressed up got tiring and I eventually moved to the backseat where I find myself very invested in texting, just to avoid awkward conversation. Some male cab drivers are honestly just making conversation but I ask myself if the others would ask a guy the same questions they ask me, such as "Oh, you're sure dressed up, are you meeting up with your girlfriend?" I kind of doubt it.




This isn't a matter of not being able to take a compliment. It's the audacity some people have that when a women goes out into public, it must mean she wants to be accosted and berated with what may seem like words of adulation but in fact are tiresome, trite and in, some cases, terribly offensive. When someone demonstrates to me that they cannot control their words, it worries me and makes me ponder what else they can't control. Am I going to have to walk a little faster because this person is now following me? Am I going to have to call the police? Am I going to have to find a place to escape from this person? Where is the nearest stores that's open? These are all thoughts I've had while being "complimented" by random strangers. Feeling like someone's prey is a disturbing experience and should not be an acceptable way to treat anyone, regardless of intention, location or gender.


3:19 Mark - Hilarious bit about a serious subject

Submission and Feminism

I believe that we are all complex creatures full of contradictions and dualities that compliment and oppose each other. Though, in some cases, this dichotomy can lead to conflict. Conflict within ourselves or conflict with those who support only one side of this combination. One such issue within my own personal conflicts is my belief that all people are equal and my affinity for being sexually submissive. I've often wondered can a woman identify sexually as submissive and still consider herself a feminist, without being a hypocrite?

Of course, this is no simple question to answer and I think everyone has different variables to weigh when deciding where they stand on the issue. Perhaps the best step is to start by explaining how I identify with feminism.




Simply put, I believe women are equal to men and deserve to be treated as such. I believe this because I know all people are equal and deserve to be treated as such. We have the right to the same justices and protections. We have an obligation to defend and secure justice for those who cannot do it themselves.



There are those who identify themselves as feminist (1st wave, 2nd wave, 3rd wave, militant - whatever category they feel they fit in best, if any at all) and believe that a woman who participates in submissive sexual behavior, such as Master/slave or BDSM play, is only crippling the progress of womanhood as a whole. There are also those who believe that BDSM is a male-generated form of sexuality and that by participating, a woman is succumbing to this tradition. This was a major issue during the 60s and 70s and lead to conflict between different sects of feminism or some feminists organizations and the pornography industry.



I resent the idea that women who engage in BDSM are doing so because they are conforming to a male generated fantasy. This line of thinking denies women who enjoy BDSM from any credit for discovering what turns them on. It assumes that in a strictly female society, BDSM would not exist. It also furthers the gender stereotype that only woman play the submissive role in the BDSM community when, in fact, it is extremely varied. Not only do some men prefer being the submissive as opposed to dominant but there are many people who switch between both. Of course, this is assuming both genders are involved. BDSM is prevalent in both gay and lesbian communities. Personally, I know that I did not need a man/society/the media to tell me what aroused me. It was inherent. It felt rooted within me, much like the rest of my sexuality. I did not question it but only awaited the time and place to discover and explore this natural affinity. Assuming that a woman can only learn submission from a man/society/the media robs her of any ownership or responsibility of her own sexuality.


There are those who even discourage women being submissive because of their strong conviction that this has an impact on women's progress as a whole. But, if those who believed that truly wanted equality, wouldn't they be encouraging all people not to partake in BDSM, regardless of gender? Or, do they believe it is okay for a man to play that role? In that case, isn't the man enjoying a privilege that has been denied to women by the very people who were trying to ensure their equality? Where is the fairness in that?


I'd argue that my being a strong female has actually helped me develop a healthy perspective on my sexuality and I've channeled this into my preference for being a submissive. Any woman with a poor self esteem or a dysfunctional view of their sexual worth is going to find being a submissive exhausting and unfulfilled. My worth as a human being is not decided on my worth as a sex object. Sure, I may subject myself to what others may consider horrendous treatment and what others may view as submitting to my partner's will. Considering oneself a feminist and also a submissive does not have to be a dichotomous situation. In fact, the juxtaposition of both these traits can strengthen each other. Not only does my knowledge that I am worthy of any person's attention and respect make me a great submissive, but knowing myself so well and owning my sexuality encourages a feeling of wholeness and completeness in the world outside my bedroom.



Some people do not fully comprehend the active communication that goes on between a Dom and sub, even when no words are spoken. It may seem demeaning to an outsider but there is a huge amount of respect and trust exchanged between those involved in a BDSM relationship. Most might assume that it is only the sub who respects their partner, but it truly starts with the Dom earning the sub's respect and consent. And, in the end, it is the sub who holds all the power. The sub can simply utter one word and everything comes to a halt. It may seem odd to those unfamiliar with this subculture that the common credence is "Safe, Sane and Consensual"

My role in feminism is ensuring that my gender is viewed upon with equal regard and respect. That I earn equal pay for equal work and that I enjoy the same rights and privileges that a man may in the same position. That means enjoying the same rights and privileges in my work, my government, my community and my bedroom. If we deny women the right to explore their sexuality because they feel judged, we deny them the ownership of their bodies. If we can vote, run for office and own land, we should be able to own our orgasm too.

My Perceived Life

Sometimes I like to think about how I may be perceived. Not so much as a concern, but more as how my actions, my words and my life looks to an outsider.

Do I care about what others may think? Not really, to be honest. But I like to people watch and speculate about their lives and I assume others may do the same. I know I am probably wrong all of the time. I don't honestly believe I can surmise all that a person is in the few moments it takes for them to walk past me. Mostly it's just fun for me to create these worlds that people may or may not be living.

I don't think I am the only person playing this game. I feel watched (in a not paranoid way haha). I am only curious what kind of worlds people dream up for me. I like that I don't really wear my likes or dislikes visibly. When I dress, it can be very neutral, style wise. I like that my clothes don't necessarily give me away. My shirts don't mention my favourite bands and my shoes don't say I prescribe to any specific type of music. Perhaps if I drove a car, I'd have bumper stickers that let people know what I think, but then again, perhaps not. I like being a bit unknown and having to explore and be explored.

I sometimes wish my thoughts and life style were apparent because I think of all the great people I could be meeting if they only knew we were kindred spirits. But, that's what I love about the internet. My comments, my profiles, my likes and dislikes speak for themselves. Though, I've always disagreed with the idea that people with similar interests are compatible. If that were true, I wouldn't be so annoyed at most of the concerts I go to or the stores I shop in.

I remember the first day I saw Ryan, who is now one of my best friends. I was waiting for the shift to start at work when I worked as an agent in a market research call centre. My sister, who was a supervisor, and I were hanging out in the break room and this dude walks by. Instantly, I wanted to be his friend. He didn't say anything but I just looked at him and I thought, "That dude is going to make me laugh." After years of sitting next to the class clown in school (and usually having a crush on them), I had honed the skill of recognizing one outside of their native habitat. This dude had class clown written all over him. I couldn't explain why or how I knew. I asked my sister what his name was and from then on I had a goal to not just get to know him but to become BFFs. Thankfully, we eventually sat near each other and my instincts/lucky guess were verified.

I'm not sure where I am going with this. I'm curious if other people play this game. Do you wonder how you are perceived or do you think that people can tell what kind of person you are instantly or does it take time to crack the shell and get to know you? I'd guess most of us would like to think we're complex mysterious creatures and no one can truly know us.

Books

Have you read more than 6 of these books? The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here.
Instructions:

* Copy this
* Bold those books you've read in their entirety.
* Italicize the ones you started but didn't finish or read only an excerpt.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

6 The Bible

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott

12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare

15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell

22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald

23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens

33 Chronicles of Narnia - C.S. Lewis

34 Emma -Jane Austen

35 Persuasion - Jane Austen

36 The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe - CS Lewis

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

40 Winnie the Pooh - A.A. Milne

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell

42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood

49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel

52 Dune - Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding

69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72 Dracula - Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses - James Joyce

76 The Inferno - Dante

77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal - Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

87 Charlotte’s Web - E.B. White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98 Hamlet - William Shaskespeare

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo


I have this awful habit of starting books and then putting them down to re-read a much loved book. It's not fair to any new books entering my library and I usually do pick them up and start them again...one day. Sometimes I'll get bored in a new novel and turn to a familiar favorite because I know I'll enjoy it where as the new one I am uncertain if I'll end up even liking it. As if, for some reason, I don't want to invest time in a gamble when I can invest it in a sure fire thing.

Perhaps I should make a habit of finishing books I start instead of abandoning them on counters, bed side tables and bookshelves through out my house.


My slowly evolving reading corner when we first moved in.


Most recent photo of my reading area.

The area behind the book shelf is where I plan to really make my library but it's taking time to buy the furniture necessary. Part of the reason it takes so long is I rarely buy furniture new and have a very precise vision in my head and refuse to buy pieces just to "fill" the spots. I'll wait till I find the perfect shelf, chair, table and everything. Until then, I'll suffer with a half finished living room/dining room/library.

Remembrance Day

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots,
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.

Gas! GAS! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime . . .
Dim through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams, you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues, –
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.

This is a poem I often think of during Remembrance Day. I know many turn to "In Flanders Fields", which is also a great poem, but at all times of year (not just this one designated day), I think it's important and vital that we not only honor the memory of those who served our country but those who served any country. Those who lost their limbs, their loved ones and their lives.

My other issue with "In Flanders Fields" is the guilt trip. I honestly wonder if someone who died in a war would honestly want others to continue fighting for the same cause. Not all wars are great, noble or honest. So many are plagues upon the country they infest and bring not only violence but are acts of international corruption and power struggles.


I also think it's important not to glamourize war or to make it more heroic than it is horror. As a pacifist, one might think that I don't honour what men and women have done in the name of their country. That is quiet untrue. It is because of this sacrifice and the atrocities those who fight for a country become witness too or worse, apart of, that I am pacifist.


For many of us, war has never touched our soil. That is not true for all those that I know and I can only pretend to understand how the affects on those who have seen war in their backyard. But, because I have not seen it, I can only continue to be grateful for that.